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GDS Definitions |
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Explanation: After seeing NHS doctors for a few years now, also being on a course of HRT for eventual SRS. I had tried very hard to keep this a secret, to protect the well being of my Children from the general social ignorance and harm that permeates from such taboo restrained culture's. This is true primarily because conventional false belief & rumour is often much easier than searching for the real truth from those with a genuine need to step outside of this "conventional wisdom, which is akin to a form of stagnation" were perceived truth tends to revolve around outdated information and misconceived assumption. My purpose here is to try to lay out the facts accrued from my research into the most recently authenticated medical information, in order to dispel the fears that any false reasoning can cause, which can only de-stabilise some area's of the community, by the misunderstanding of such issues. |
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A square peg in a round hole: Enforcing my own personality to live in such an opposing, emotional, socially conflicting environment, to satisfy an external culture that is tightly restrained by taboo, beliefs and traditional values. This was increasingly, no longer an easy existence for myself with such a medical condition. Trying to find a little niche where I could find the ability to fit in without any conflict between my female persona, and what others demanded has been a constant struggle for me. Ultimately I had failed, and with such failure valuable lessons have also been learned about being true to oneself. Many proclaim a person to "be yourself" this is often just a fictitious encouragement as all to often the rules are too restricting making them totally unreasonable. Having already lived through many years of undiagnosed clinical depression, due to role enforced social deprivation, and with this sense of withdrawal from the outside environment, it has been an extremely traumatic time for me. However this period has also given me enough solitude to find the strength and knowledge to push ahead with what should have been done when I was only a young child of about 7 years old. Sadly however in the early 60's little was known or understood about Gender Dysphoric issues so no help would have been forthcoming, therefore blame cannot rest on my shoulders, I was only a child, and was unable to express what I did not understand even myself. |
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The Trauma: The process, of which I am undergoing, is the end result of a lifetime of denial, self-criticisms, psychological pain, and rejection for my true female persona. Because most of my life I have had an intense Dysphoric sense of repulsion for being perceived as male, and having not found any other way out of my dilemma. My situation could be likened to that of an existence within a penal colony, where I have had to live by rules that where set out in the aim of some form of punishment, & seemingly for some undefined reasoning I could never understand? |
